11.05.2009

they didn't tell me this would be a drug



that is: the pure joy of picking up your daughter after her very first day of school, during which you missed her so much you just had to shop to cure your blues, and then you clock watched until the appointed time you told her you would return and lo and behold she remembered, talked about it the whole way home, 'mama comin' 3" pointing at her school and saying, "baba no 3, baba comin' 5" (meaning, home from work) and i'm thinking....

damn my kid is smart. and even though it was tragic dropping her (i mean, for her- i really was good)- and she cried and cried, she was so happy when i came 6 hours later to retrieve her. sitting at a table coloring. content. and chattering on about what she colored, and wanting to call unclejaykaren (cuz she says it all together like that). she even said, "I see it"- words i've never heard my girl utter.

and how her face lit up when she saw me. it's like some drug, motherhood!!

and seeing her first ever "school" art... and reading that she ate all her lunch. i mean... mainline me! i'm hooked! i'm in love!!!

11.04.2009

perspective

Perspective... they say it's everything. What is it exactly? I'll share the definition: the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship; the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship; a specific point of view in understanding or judging things or events, esp. one that shows them in their true relationship to one another. A particular way of viewing things that depends on one's experience and personality.

When we left our house Monday morning for the long awaited appointments with 2 specialists and the nurse practitioner at the spina bifida clinic in a city 1.5 hours away, none of us imagined that at 10 AM we'd see 2 deer crossing the highway. I pointed them out to M-n-M, as I am an avid deer lover, and worried intensely that one of them would be hit by traffic in the opposite lanes. The next thing I knew, there was a thundering crash and a third was being flung on top of my hood. I was screaming and crying, Garth was uttering, "oh God", and I could hear, faintly, the whimpers of my girl, frightened by my reaction. I slowly pulled to the side of the road, opened my door, coughing, nauseated, trying to catch my breath, while Garth gently hoisted M-n-M into his arms, where she quickly quieted down. Some passerby stopped to ask if we were okay. I was dazed, only nodded, looking for her... clamoring out of the car- there she was- she was okay, there in his arms. A little teary, but fine. So brave, this one, so much braver than me and it's always been like that. Thank God she never saw what hit us.

Garth walked a bit with her after we all hugged and kissed and pulled ourselves together. The deer was nowhere in sight. I felt sick. I have never hit an animal in my life and happen to have great affection for deer. Hunting season has confused them, caused this, no doubt. I can think of no other reason for deer to be out so late in the morning. I say a prayer that the deer goes peacefully, in haste.

the damage to the tune of 4K- deer hit

While I'm on the phone making all the necessary phone calls, Garth and M-n-M are outside of the car, talking, looking in at me. She smiles once in a while, points, snarls her face when she sees the mangled mess my bumper has become, and I know the growling noise she's making. She might even be saying, "Mama car broken". Garth tells me later she not only says that, but tells him over and over, with gestures, how I cried because of the accident, and points to the side that is intact, saying, "This one no broken". Her empathy astounds me. She doesn't know yet my tears have nothing to do with the damage to the car.

It will hit me much later, when the shock has worn off. After hours at the repair shop waiting on the ride back to the rental car agency. After picking up the extra car seat- and driving back to the repair shop to pick up my amazing future husband and daughter, both who bear the patience of saints. After she nods off in the car, exhausted.

It will hit me when she lies sleeping at the restaurant, where we decide to stop for a long awaited lunch.

conked out after the crash

At that moment, I'll look at Garth, and the real tears will come. I'll say to him... it could have been so much worse. I'll tell him I am so sad about the deer, but it was better that I never saw him, because if I had, I would have swerved, slammed on the breaks, and maybe he would have hit her door. Or the car could have flipped. So many different scenarios. He could have broken glass, come through a windshield. Hurt her. Us.

I would get perspective. Right then.

And I'd forgive myself for taking a life. And saving this one.

snuggles

She awakes to be her happy self again. She's the best at recovery. Is that true of all kids? I don't know. But I know it's true of our girl. She's the one who knows that life is ultimately good, she is the constant reminder that no amount of bad can ever keep her (or anyone in her presence) from smiling.

Her hugs heal my sadness.

And seeing her embrace Baba and life again, often saying, "Mama car broken"- acknowledging and affirming my own heartache- learning on this day that she is not only brave, beautiful, funny, & affectionate- but empathetic as well- causes my heart to swell in gratefulness.

kisses

How grateful I am for this little girl who lights up our world. How grateful I am for the strength of this man who is her father. How grateful I am for this family we've created and become. How grateful I am we said yes- to each other. To her.

Perspective is everything.

11.01.2009

you had me at trick

wanna throw this to our dog?
alex and ethan, cousins, greet mei mei. they
haven't seen her since the airport.

"ya wanna throw this to our dog?"



happy halloween from colin!

happy halloween from colin!

ellis and uncle brad

playtime with uncle brad
this is fun


run run run

check out how fast i can run mei mei


chillin' like bob dylan

chillin' like bob dylan.
watchin' my fave movie, cars.

my niece brittany

Britt (big sis to the 4 boys Alex, Dylan, Colin and Ethan).
ready to man the monsters.

the pirate and the delivery man

hey i like your hat.
hey i like your hat too.

yep. ever. the cutest.

i'm the cutest pirate you've ever seen, aren't i?

you had me at trick

you are. you had me at trick.

the gang of trick or treaters

looks like we're all set, from left to right (starting in front):
colin (fireman in brown), mei mei, dylan (fireman in black), ethan (delivery)
pram the doc-best friend to the zombie- alex

ye ye (papa) and ellis trick or treating

and we're off with ye ye (papa) as the faithful pirate chauffeur

got a delivery to make here people

'scuse me. comin' through. gotta... well, had a package.
where's my bag full of candy??

zombie. aka Alex :)

i don't have it, swear.

i spy candy

i spy candy. i am reallllly liking this.
baba. hand me my pumpkin.

colin the fireman

candy candy candy

one more baba!

no all done baba. no all done.
one more.

10.27.2009

ellis

cookin' with baba


happy in the "chicken"

She's an amazing kid. The way her face lights up and she screams "Baba!" at the top of her lungs when he pulls up at the end of his day. The way she counts to 12 or 13, always skipping number 6. I love how she reminds me to turn off lights and lock the car doors after we're buckled in. She's a Cars fanatic and Dora is yesterday. My guess is Cars must have been seen at Hope, she knows this movie. She's incredibly... and I mean incredibly... patient. She doesn't meltdown. Her version of a meltdown is to whine, and even then, it's not much of a whine. She's an observer, an explorer. She's not afraid to try ANY food. And she'll eat the "yucky" stuff to get the good stuff, with almost no complaint. When busy at a task, she'll stick to it, sometimes for an hour or more. She has great concentration. She's a quick study, a fast learner. I love how she insists on mixing the sugar and cream in Baba's coffee. Or how eager she is to fold laundry with me, or put away dishes. Or how she'll surprise me with new words I haven't said, or a whole sentence or question. Yesterday it was "what is that?" or "what is this?" several times as I named various objects around the house. And once, playfully as I told her it was time to change her diaper and she kept saying "no" and I'd tease her and say, "yes" she then looked right at me (again, I've never said this to her) and stated, "I said no". I'm pretty sure she was surprised when I burst out laughing. I love how she'll re-tell "mama" and "baba" stories to the other parent. "Mama this one" or "Baba" and she'll demonstrate our antics and then start giggling.

I love how easily she'll share her bacon with me, or remind me to "wash hands" in the morning before we head downstairs for said bacon. I love that she wants to get in the "chicken" and be a part of it all- helping in everything we do. Last night it was making dinner with Dad.

I love that she thinks it's hilarious that I can't "tickle" her right leg- she'll dare me to after I tickle the left one, then look at me and shrug and grin as if to say, "Ha! Sorry Charlie, you can't get me there, I can't feel it".

I love how she thrives on her nightly routine. The way she hugs and kisses us both goodnight. That she accepts our "I love you's" even if she can't say them herself yet, her heart still too fragile for something so big. She is a cuddly, affectionate little girl.

I love the way she falls asleep.

During P.T. yesterday, she showed no fear getting down on the floor with her (rock star) therapists. She is so independent, driven, motivated, and determined. When they first stood her on those crutches, her face just lit up and then what did she do? Lifted herself up and swung both her legs back and forth, balancing on her hands! She has some serious biceps and triceps, this one. We learned she has good potential to walk with those crutches once the dislocation of the left hip is repaired. Such good news! But it's funny- as happy as that makes me, all the potential she has- the only thing that matters is that she's happy.

That's it.

Loved and happy.

And she is.

10.22.2009

playing in the "chicken"


"mama, this one"
guess i was supposed to measure something
while she made an important call.



okay, all done after a lengthy conversation in mandarin
mentioning "baba" many times.



my cuteness will guarantee lots of bowls of ice cream in life




taste testing


phone rang again, it was for M-n-M
but she was pretty busy this time


being goofy with mama


eating my nose



ray-on-som (new pronunciation, 3 syllables), would
you like a monkey?
i just cooked 'em all up


oh. oh my. thought you'd never ask.
here let me just pick one out for myself.
(and be assured he did and took off with it lickity split)!
lickity being the operative word, thank god there
was no swallowing...


if you please, i could use another.
just a little smackerel of one more yummy monkey to eat.

10.19.2009

pass the pumpkin


seriously the cutest. ever.


first family photo since coming home. thanks deb!


lindsi, ellis, jami... new friends :O)


3 pumpkateers


the monster mash.


literally, pass the pumpkin.


just cuz she's beautiful...


and silly


and sweet


and thoughtful


let's hold hands


more just because




a first... holding hands with her new friend :O)



and we came home with carving to do!
like mother, like daughter- she picked the bumpy pumpkin.
that was just the one i wanted.

10.15.2009

icing Boob



last night, he was panting in the heat.
so. what's a mom to do?
strap on an ice pack.

i swear it helped.

now we are back in the lap of cool.

thank you A/C repairman.
4 hours of install-
hope you got a big chunk of my change.